Ali's Kitchen: Shellfish with Chipotle and Tequila

I'm REALLY excited about this one because the picture is REALLY PRETTY, and as we all know, presentation is half the battle. See?



I didn't take this picture. Whoever did, please don't sue me. I love you; you're an awesome food photographer.

Here's the gist from Cooking Light:Ingredients1 teaspoon olive oil Cooking spray 1 1/2 cups chopped yellow onion (about 1 large) 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt 4 garlic cloves, minced 1 3/4 cups water 1/4 cup tequila 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice (about 1 lime) 1 teaspoon ground cumin 2 teaspoons tomato paste 1 1/2 teaspoons chopped seeded chipotle chile, canned in adobo sauce 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric 1 (14.5-ounce) can no-salt-added diced tomatoes, undrained 1 (14-ounce) can fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth 24 littleneck clams 1/2 pound sea scallops 1/2 pound peeled and deveined medium shrimp 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro 1/4 cup chopped green onions Preparation1. Heat olive oil in a Dutch oven coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat. Add yellow onion, bell pepper, black pepper, and salt to pan; sauté 5 minutes or until tender. Add garlic; sauté 2 minutes. Add 1 3/4 cups water and next 10 ingredients (through chicken broth) to pan. Reduce heat to low, and simmer 12 minutes, stirring occasionally. 2. Arrange clams in a steamer. Cover and steam over boiling water 8 minutes or until shells open. Discard any unopened shells; set aside. 3. Add scallops and shrimp to tomato mixture; cook 7 minutes or just until done. Ladle 2 cups soup into each of 4 large shallow bowls; top each serving with 6 clams, 1 tablespoon cilantro, and 1 tablespoon green onions.

Accompanying this main dish will be some more couscous, and a simple green salad (tatsoi) with the excess green onions.

So, that's what we're aiming for. Ambitions are high. Hopes are... a little tepid, since I don't actually have the "chipotle peppers in adobo" which this recipe calls for. I have ground chipotle powder. At my dad's suggestion (he is a masterful cook), I'm halving the measurement of "chipotle" whatever, which makes this about 1/2 tsp. chipotle pepper I'm using. Other alterations include SHALLOTS instead of yellow onions (why buy more when you already have something vaguely similar in this crappy, crappy economy?); bottled lime juice instead of fresh limes (ditto); chicken broth that I need to get rid of; not having a steamer for the clams; and some shrimp that really, REALLY needs to come out of the freezer, which was the main reason for cooking this recipe, rather than the other pretty ones in the newest issue of Cooking Light. I would also like to take this moment to advocate buying local food and produce. The other main reason I went with this recipe was that our "local dayboat" littleneck clams were on sale. They look AWESOME. At this point of typing I obviously haven't eaten any, but they LOOK great. And they're SO much easier to clean than mussels. I had to debeard ONE clam, as opposed to every mussel I've ever cleaned. I'm also going with our "local dayboat" (which here means Long Island, probably) scallops, which were similarly reduced by the wonder that is Fresh Direct. Cry for not having it. CRY, I TELL YOU, FOR IT IS AWESOME. Except that it doesn't seem to have chipotle peppers canned in adobo sauce at the moment. Oh well. Here we go!

This is one of those recipes that takes A. Lot. Of. Prep. If you are not, for instance, Courtney and never learned how to chop produce professionally, this may take you a long time with all the chopping of the peppers and the onions and the garlic and cilantro and the other onions. And also the measuring of the spices and the tomato paste, etc. Then there's the cleaning the clams (again, not as long as mussels) and the peeling and deveining/cleaning the shrimp.

Shrimp Tip: If you suck at cleaning shrimp, or just don't have a little shrimp de-veiner thingy, just butterfly it (slice it down the back, that is), and, again, if you're like me and can't ever managed to get the poop-or-intestine-or-whatever-that-dark-stuff-is out of the shrimp with the knife itself, a BAMBOO GRILLING SKEWER is great.

Interesting Shrimp Fact: The shrimp I'm using have their poop-or-intestine-or-whatever-that-dark-stuff-is on the BOTTOM. ... WHAT? Who ever heard of that? Also, they're a little freezer burned, but that's not exactly their fault, is it?

So, here are all your ingredients, nice and chopped and prepped, and hopefully you haven't sliced off any of your fingers with your sharp J.A. Henckels knives, which rock hardcore:

Bonus points for me smelling out which square of Saran wrap matched up with which prepared ingredient after this photoshoot

For the clams, since I don't have a steamer, I'm using some of the excess chicken broth mixed with water to steam. Why not, right? This could all go horribly, horribly wrong.

HERE WE GO:

We've already encountered our first unintended alteration: In my frenzy of preparation, I accidentally mixed the salt and pepper in with the other spices, while the recipe calls for them to go in with the olive oil FIRST. No idea how this will affect the food from a chemical/flavor standpoint. Maybe not at all, maybe we'll end up order pizza. [Discovery Channel narrator's voice]

Second problem: WHY DID I PRINT OUT THE RECIPE THIS SMALL?!

Um... wut?

Let's see what's ahead.

So, if you're like me, your stove has a terrible inequity (I almost wrote "iniquity") of heat distribution. This makes it tough to simmer, fry or sautee. But I'm doing my best to simmer the veggie broth for about 12 minutes, over low heat, stirring occasionally.

Since I don't want to overcook the clams, I'm not steaming them yet, but I am pre-heating the steaming liquid so I can cook the clams at basically the same time as the shrimp and scallops. Also, my couscous has already been cooked in the microwave.

While the clam and scallop-shrimp liquids are heating, you can pass your time watching Robin Hood: Men In Tights.

Always diverting

Okay, now we're putting on the shrimp and scallops... and the the clams...

Smells... SPICY. I hope my dad's estimate of the canned-chipotle-to-powdered-chipotle was accurate, otherwise K will be very happy and I will be drinking even more wine. (... It was a stressful day, for the LAST time.)

Okay, TASTES spicy too. Wow. Heat. Yikes. I guess I have no reference for using the chopped canned chipotles peppers vs. chipotle powder, but JEEZ. SPICY.

Anywho, this is what mine turned out looking like:

Looks redder than the recipe photographed for the magazine. On the plus side, look how FAT and JUICY this "local dayboat" clam is:

I'll be making this again, but probably with less freezerburned shrimp and LESS COOKING TIME OVERALL, because this dude lied, and all the seafood should have withstood much less heat. Although the fat clams emerged unscathed. See?

I'm sorry. That's not a clam; it's a feline sous chef sitting in the recycling pile. How terribly misleading of me.

Ali's Kitchen: Broiled Lamb Chops and Basmati Rice With Sweet Onions and Summer Herbs

Well, hey there, my culinary swashbucklers! Welcome to the kitchen at Chez Ali and Ken. Let's start out with the number one thing to know about our little restaurant. The Executive Chef (me) loves herbs and spices. See?

So much so, in fact, that tonight we're using: Freshly ground black pepper, sea salt, freshly ground porcini mushroom powder, ground coriander, sea salt, and fresh dill, tarragon and chervil.

The main course this evening: Broiled lamp chops! Accompanied by Epicurious.com's Basmati Rice With Sweet Onions and Summer Herbs. Lastly, we'll be having microwave-steamed asparagus (steamed in a big Gladware container, at that, because I don't care if the leaching plastic might give me cancer when I'm 85; it's just easier than pot steaming).


First, let's talk about the Basmati rice. If you're like me, you don't like rice. I KNOW. Weird. Whatever. I'm not a huge rice fan, but this particular recipe sounded interesting enough (I love Vidalias, and dill? With rice? Enough to reel me in...) that I wanted to see if it could make me actively want to eat rice. Since I don't love rice, it's of course in the back corner on the highest shelf of our tiny pantry/cabinet. While searching for the brown Basmati, I discovered the following:

1) More Bacos than I thought existed on the entire planet. Really.
2) Flower food, which I'm pretty sure is toxic to people... so... maybe don't keep it around food? Maybe?
3) Mint julep cups. Um... what? Ooooh, don't mint juleps go with lamb? Because mint and lamb??? Damn it, no brandy. Or mint. Next time, my pretty....

So, that's what we discovered setting up the kitchen for the lamb and rice dinner. Moving on. A very important thing to keep in mind: Karma is a bitch. What does this have to do with cooking lamb, you ask? Well, my friends, lamb is a Cute Cuddly Animal (CCA). If you're like me, not only are you not crazy about rice, but you also have issues with eating CCA's because you're sure it's somehow Just Wrong. To balance out this karmic risk, it's a good idea to pay homage to another, different species of CCA while you're cooking. To wit:


Otters definitely count as CCA's of the highest caliber.

Now that you've hopefully got a CCA image somewhere on your person, let's make with the cooking. First of all, you've got to consult with your sous-chef and make sure that he or she understands his/her responsibilities. Here I am explaining to my sous-chef that his responsibilities include not reaching up for a pat so that my pants are clawed down while I have raw lamb juice on my hands.

I don't know if he fully grasped the concept, but fortunately, I was wearing jeans.

Now that your sous-chef is fully informed, let's get to work. Tackle the rice dish first, since the lamb needed to come to room temperature anyway. It's a small piece of meat, so it achieves lukewarmness very quickly, but I must insist that you do this with red meat! Other things, you can get away with throwing it on the heat while still chilled. NOT RED MEAT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET YOUR RED MEAT TO ROOM TEMP! Anyway. Right. The rice.

I halved the recipe so that instead of 2 cups of sweet onion I needed less than 1. This works out nicely to half a large Vidalia. The other half of the onion is currently in the deli drawer, either destined for a salad later this week, or to grow the next great mold-based antibiotic. I'll let you know. You're meant to chop the onion, not dice, which may look a bit large, but the flavor still releases with a nice, coarse chop. This is my definition of what that looks like:


Note that I was chopping with my Little Knife, because the onion was a little spongy, and I didn't want to Decapitate My Fingers. Whatever. If it gets the job done...

Once the onion's chopped, go ahead and heat the saucepan. The recipe calls for "large," but I'm using a 2-quart, because that's all I have! It works fine. I also use "fake" butter (Smart Balance, which is better for cooking than most other non-margarine butter substitutes). Saute the onion over medium-high heat, or if your stove's like mine, medium, until it's translucent. (The onion. Not the stove.) At that point, add the rice, water and salt, in that order. I'm using less than half the salt called for (even factoring in my smaller-than-half of the recipe) and it will be more than enough. Bring the rice mixture to a boil, then cover and reduce the heat to low. If you're using white rice, cooking supposedly takes 15 more minutes. Using brown (which we are here) adds another 1/4 cup of water, and another 10 minutes (for 30 or so total from the onion).

During this time you can: Set the table; check on your husband who is sleeping and will not be eating with you because he caught your Super Cold in the middle of May; and bring the lamb to room temperature if you haven't already taken it out of the fridge. Don't worry; the rice isn't going anywhere if it finishes before the lamb is de-chilled. Honestly, I never heard of rice that can't sit on a warm stove for 20 or so minutes and not taste just the same. Especially brown rice.

This is also a fun time for a Pop Quiz. Based on Ali's Anecdotal Evidence from working in three total restaurants in her entire life, what percentage of restaurant cooks and chefs would you assume washes their hands after using the bathroom (number 1)? (And, yes, it's "washes," not "wash," because the verb is corresponding with "percentage," not "cooks and chefs," and "percentage," like "family," or any other compound noun, is still, technically singular, so bugger off.) The answer is...

About 25. Yep. About 25%. That percentage is markedly higher for servers, bussers, bartenders, managers and hostesses. The percentage is generally better for line cooks than for sous-chefs, chefs de cuisine and executive chefs. My best guess is that the non-hand-washers just think they're too important to waste the time with soap and water if they've only... you know... gone number 1. Just thought you should know. According to Ali's Anecdotal Evidence, it's true.

All right. Now that we've all passed the Pop Quiz, let's go back to the rice. Now, with rice, there are two major schools of thought: To Stir or Not To Stir. My mother always told me, "DON'T STIR IT! YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP THE LID ON! IT'S COOKING IN ITS STEAM!" The first time I cooked rice in front of K, he wanted to know, "WHY AREN'T YOU STIRRING IT? YOU'VE GOT TO STIR IT!" Now, given the fact that I've burned about 75% of the rice I've ever cooked, this time, let's go with K's mom's (because it certainly wasn't his) idea. Upon adding the previously mentioned 1/4 cup of water, stir it around to lift it off the bottom of the pan. When THAT water is gone, we stir in the fresh herbs:


The smell should be positively nutty - thank you, tarragon and dill! Chervil, you aren't really doing your part; I don't even know why you're here. You're like contestant number 5 on American Idol, and should just give up. At this point, take the rice off the heat source and keep it covered; it will be fine.

By now, the broiler should be heated (you should have lit it when the rice began to boil) and you can pop the lamb in. Keep in mind, with lamb chops, that the actual portion of meat is only as big as the red part in the middle here, under the "butter" pat:


That's about the width of... let's see... a pansy blossom. Yeah. So, bear that in mind when buying. It's not the most cost-effective meat, or even cut of lamb, and I bet this recipe would work equally well with a pork chop or veal chop. Anyway, on the lamb chop above, sprinkle sea salt (ideal for those of us who are sensitive to salt, but still want that salty kick), freshly ground black pepper, porcini powder (dried porcini from a grinder, that is) and ground coriander. Eschew the apparently canonical advice of broiling 4 1/2 to 5 minutes a side, because I like my meat not quite mooing or bleating, but at least still bleeding, and I just. don't. buy. that lamb chops need that long.

Upon popping the lamb in the broiler, zap the asparagus in the microwave for 4 minutes, which also works as a great timer. Remember to check on your sous-chef. Just as I suspected, mine's asleep:

When the asparagus dings, go flip the lamb over. Cook the asparagus for another 4 minutes, and your lamb chops will be done! (I put mine in for an extra tragic minute, and they were just a bit too done; don't go over 4 per side... maybe even 3 and 3.) Now, for Heaven's sake, let the meat sit when you take it out. Do NOT, like Kenny those who shall remain nameless, dive at the meat the second it's out of the oven or broiler, EVER. It has to set. Or something... Anyway, LEAVE IT ALONE!

Now, if you've followed these instructions, your finished product looks something like this:


Mmmmm, lamb chops. I wasn't sure about the mushroom powder on lamb when we started, but it adds a great gaminess to this very mild red meat. Likewise, I'm happy to report that the rice tastes wonderful! I may just add dill and tarragon to 85% of all the rice I cook from here on out. And with the rich, involved flavors of the main dish and the rice, the simple, steamed asparagus (fresh in Spring) is a good balance. I actually had this with white wine, instead of red, which I also enjoyed.

Wait a second... I think I hear...

Ah, yes. There's my sous-chef:


Someone seems to their eyes on the prize...