Ali's Kitchen: Potato and Onion Gratin with Coconut Milk and Curry

We had some coconut milk around from a curry dish I made over the weekend, so I thought, "What can I do with this slightly less than a cup of coconut milk, lest I waste it and anger the gods for wasting something so tasty?" It was a real quandry.

First, I found this, which doesn't involve coconut milk, but seemed as though it would be complementary. (The mint in those beef patties is what makes it, by the way. The cumin overwhelms them a little so much so that the coriander isn't really apparent, but the mint is just the perfect little pop.)

Then, I realized that coconut milk is "milk," so why not treat it as such and make something of a gratin? And, since we're at it, why not throw some curry in there? Just because. Curry is awesome. (In this case, it was curry pounder, but I suppose I could also have used some Thai red curry sauce.) So we came up with:

- Preheat the oven to 400.
- Slice 2 small yellow onions into thin rounds and saute in a little vegetable oil, just until brown around the edges. Set aside on paper bags or paper towels to degrease a little.
- Mix together a teaspoon of minced garlic (about 1 clove, if you're using fresh because you don't mind having stinky little fingertips), the coconut milk, 1/2 - 1 tsp curry powder, and a pinch of salt. Set aside.
- Slice 2 large (Russet or other baking) potatoes into thin rounds.
- Layer the onions and potatoes in a greased baking dish (onions all in one layer, then potatoes on top; or onion/potato/onion/potato, up to you). Pour the coconut milk mixture over the top and pop it in the oven for and 1 hr 20 min, approximately. Just until the top is nice and crispy and brown.

Le yum yum.

Ali's Kitchen: Potato and Leek Gratin With Cumin

It's cold. My head hurts. It's the perfect time for this dish. This recipe for potato and leek gratin with cumin comes directly from the "Recipes for Health" feature of the New York Times Health section, ironically not the Dining & Wine section. At first glance you (depending on your cultural baggage) might think, "Potatoes? Gratin? What is this doing in 'Recipes for Health?'" Well, here's why:

Cheese isn't bad for you! Neither are potatoes! Calcium and protein. Fiber and potassium. THE. END.

Well, not The End, obviously, but let's point something out: This recipe uses less than 1 cup of Gruyère, in a dish meant for 6-8 people. You can use even less cheese, if you like, and you'll still get the creamy effect. That's hardly a lot of dairy fat. And, since this is from the Health section, they've substituted the cream that's in many gratins for lowfat milk. Works just fine everytime, and your tummy (if it's sensitive) will thank you. Herewith, the text of their recipe, interspersed with pictures from Carlita Canon:

INGREDIENTS

1 garlic clove, cut in half
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1 pound leeks, white and light green parts only, cut in half lengthwise, sliced and rinsed of sand
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1 teaspoon cumin seeds, lightly toasted and crushed in a mortar and pestle or a spice mill (I had cumin seeds as well as ground cumin, but not a mortar/pestle or spice mill. I just used the ground cumin.)
2 pounds russet potatoes or Yukon golds, peeled if using russets, scrubbed if using Yukon golds, and sliced 1/4 inch thick (I'm using red potatoes because for some bizarre reason, that's all the grocery store had. I think I also bought more than 2 lbs - our grocery doesn't have a scale, oddly enough - because this practically overflowed my 2.2 lb casserole.)
3 ounces Gruyère cheese, grated (3/4 cup, tightly packed)
2 1/3 cups low-fat milk

PREPARATION

1. Preheat the oven to 375ºF. Rub the inside of a 2-quart gratin or baking dish with the cut side of the garlic clove. Brush lightly with olive oil.
2. Heat the remaining olive oil in a wide, heavy nonstick skillet over medium heat and add the leeks. Cook, stirring often, until tender, for about 5 minutes. Add 1/2 teaspoon salt and freshly ground pepper to taste and stir in the crushed cumin seeds. Stir together for half a minute and remove from the heat.
3. Place the potatoes in a large bowl and season generously with salt and pepper. Add the leeks mixture and half the cheese, and toss together. Arrange in the baking dish in an even layer. Pour in the milk.

Place the baking dish on a baking sheet and place in the oven.

4. Bake the gratin for 45 minutes, checking after 30 minutes and pressing the potatoes down into the milk with the back of a spoon. At 45 minutes, remove the dish from the oven and again press the potatoes down into the liquid. Sprinkle the remaining cheese over the top and bake for another 30 to 45 minutes, or until nicely browned. Remove from the heat and allow to sit for 10 to 15 minutes before serving.

There you have it! In retrospect, I would add that:

- Putting a cookie sheet under the pan is helpful, in case the milk boils over in your small casserole;

- Possibly cover the top with aluminum foil for at least part of the early cooking so it doesn't get too brown. The color doesn't make a difference in the AWESOME taste, but if you need to serve this to someone other than your living partner, it might be a nice touch.

The article means this recipe for a vegetarian main dish , but we are having it with sautéed chicken breasts, whipped up while the gratin is cooling. Simply:

1. Rinse, pat dry, lightly salt and pepper the chicken, etc. and so forth with your basic prep.

2. Dredge the breasts through some milk, then through some flour mixed with coriander, paprika, and garlic powder, just to keep things interesting.

Coriander and paprika are fun with the cumin, but use your own favorite spice here.

3. Preheat some olive oil or butter or both in the UNWASHED pan you used for the leeks.

4. Sauté about 5-7 minutes per side (totally depends on the size of the breasts).

(If you use GARGANTUAN chicken breasts like some of us, then when both sides are brown and they STILL aren't done, take the gratin out to cool and put the chicken in the oven in its place, in either a 400-degree-safe pan, or in another casserole. If your chicken breasts are big enough that 8 minutes per side didn't do it in the pan [these are the Frankenstein breasts about whose growing process I'd like to keep in the dark], then at least 10 minutes still at that 375ºF should do it. If you're hopeless at cooking poultry, like I am, then a meat thermometer always helps.)

Boom. Dinner. Le yum yum.

Ali's Kitchen: Herbed Chicken Cutlets with SURPRISE! Sides

I am fulfilling my promise of cooking something from a hallowed or otherwise off-line cookbook. Sort of. I took a basic from Joy of Cooking and modified it, mostly using the recipe for timing and measurements.

We started off with your basic "Sautéed Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts" (page 587 in the 1997 version). This suggests (with my notes as parentheticals) that you:

"Rinse and pat dry 4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves (we're using 3, just over 1 lb.)... If you wish (I did), remove the tenderloins. Sprinkle both sides with salt and ground black pepper to taste (we have a rainbow pepper grinder instead; you can also mix this into the flour mixture below instead of adding to chicken first). Spread on a plate 1/2 cup all-purpose flour

Now, here is the big deviation. We're ALSO adding about 1/3 cup Manchego cheese...

(Grated like zees, on zee small side, not zee zesting side.) (That is, if you're using 3-month Manchego, or other only semi-hard cheese. If the cheese is harder, like Parmesan, it won't gum up in the zesting grates as much.)

... And some (1/4 c. total?) fresh chopped thyme and sage. Mmmmm.

The Joy of Cooking version continues:

"Coat the chicken on both sides with the flour (mixture) (dredge in egg or milk first)... Gently shake off the excess...

Small kitchens: The bane of every multi-process recipe.

"Heat in a heavy 10- to 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat until fragrant and nut-brown 1 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter. Add 1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil. (I halved this, so as to add oil on an as-needed basis. Ended up using about this amount of oil/butter.) Swirl the butter and oil together... Sauté for exactly 4 minutes, keeping the fat as hot as possible without letting it burn..."

(yeah, I suck at that)

" Using tongs, turn the chicken and cook until the flesh feels firm to the touch and milky juices appear around the tenderloins, 3 to 5 minutes more."

However, at 4x4, our chicken still is not done. Nor at 5x5 (minutes, that is). While we wait for it to stop bleeding, let us ponder a great question. Cat bums: They are cute, yet they do gross things. In other words, it's the ultimate Essentialist vs. Existentialist quandary ("to be or to do," which one defines us?). Which side wins out?

In sum, the Plato vs. Sartre cage match still isn't over.

Now we come to the SURPRISE! sides. They're called that for 2 reasons.

1: We (being the feline sous chef and myself) were planning to cook pasta, until, SURPRISE! We saw that the potatoes? The ones we cooked last week? For "Thanksgiving?" Weren't oddly-colored and, in fact, still smelled quite good. Reduction of labor by reheating leftovers = über win. If I end up in hospital from a fungal stomach infection, you'll know why. Hey, anything in the name of Cheap.

2: So, when you get greens such as arugula, spinach, or in this case, mizuna, you generally expect them to be crisp and fresh, yes? And to smell like arugula, spinach, or in this case, mizuna (oh my GOD, I'm going to miss NYC grocery stores when we move)? Yeah, well, sometimes this happens:

SURPRISE!

In this case, you either run to the grocery store or stick your head in the oven* freezer. And, in OUR case, you find:

I would like to go to Bruges, if not so much Brussels.
You know what I'm gonna do, boy howdy? I'm gonna a) defrost them, at about 2 minutes less than the package directions, and b) sauté 'em as though they were pasta: With some butter and sage, because I've never had them (to my recollection; don't ask why I got them), and all I've heard is how bad they smell while cooking.

Sage like zees. Le chop chop.
Butter and sage should mitigate that a little, yes? Here's hoping.

Aaaand, here's the finished product:

Le yum yum.

You may notice that the chicken breast is actually halved. Well, that's because THEY WOULDN'T COOK. I was a good little chef: I waited 5 minutes or so before even checking inside... and they were STILL PINK. The timing was a lie, a LIE!

RECIPE ROUNDUP
Favorite thing about this dish: What is the deal with vilifying Brussels sprouts? I found mine positively enjoyable, and they certainly didn't stink up the place while cooking. Perhaps it was all the sage and butter?

Least favorite thing about this dish: Are they kidding me with the timing? If it's really 4 minutes per side - for modern-sized chicken breasts (i.e., Frankenstein) - then I will eat my hat. I'll eat my hypothetical hat, that is, before I will eat that pink chicken. The chicken took fully 10+ minutes total, and was not overcooked. That's at LEAST an extra minute per side. Oh, and then? I stuck the piece I was actually eating in the MICROWAVE for 45 seconds, and it's STILL tender as I type all this out, about an hour later. Joy of Cooking can kiss my rump. Or perhaps I am just really, really bad at cooking poultry. (A distinct possibility, and a good explanation for why I gravitate toward red meat.)

Surprising thing about this dish: Manchego cheese: Not just for pairing with Goya guava paste anymore. I used Manchego on a whim (ON SALE), but was nervous about the texture, and the combination of thyme and sage with it - instead of olives, which seem to be the only non-fruit-related "seasoning" people pair with Manchego outside of the Iberian peninsula. Everything worked beautifully.

New skill learned: Not necessarily listening to recipes re: timing. I used to think I would overcook by default if I went above the recommended time. Not so, grasshopper, not so.

* Kidding. Plus, I don't think you can even really do that with today's ovens.

Ali's Kitchen: Anytime Thanksgiving

"Thanksgiving" dinner can actually be had whenever. Our household is firmly convinced of this, and that's why we cook "Thanksgiving" in Summer, Spring or Winter, too. Here's how to cook OUR brand of Thanksgiving (for 2-3 people), in case you're interested.

Roast Turkey

And people thought Clinton was pervy?
1 3 lb. turkey breast (you can halve this, freeze the other half, and cut cooking time in half if you wish, or you can have leftovers!)
2 Tb butter or butter substitute, divided;
Salt & pepper to taste;
Mixture of your favorite herbs, such as thyme, rosemary, sage, etc. Use slightly more herbs than usual if you wish to cut down the amount of salt you use.

Preheat the oven to 425°. Make sure your turkey is around room temp. Rub the butter, salt & pepper, and herbal mixture all over turkey breast. Place in small roaster, and (if you have one) insert an oven-safe meat thermometer into the thick end of the meat.

Place the turkey in the oven and reduce the temp to 400°. After about 20 minutes, baste turkey with the second Tb of butter. Roast (and continue to occasionally baste) for at least another 20 minutes, depending on the size of the turkey breast. The turkey will reach 170° when it is done. Given the different sizes of turkey breasts, this is why meat thermometers are particularly helpful, even if it's the kind you can't keep in there the entire cooking time.

Remove to a platter, cover with aluminum foil, and set aside for 10 minutes.

Turkey Gravy

Put the roasting pan (sans rack, obviously) on a lit burner. Sprinkle just a little flour (2 Tb approx.) into the pan juices, and cook while stirring for a few minutes, scraping up any brown bits. If you like to add wine, etc. to your gravy, do so now and cook the liquid down until it's more... um... gravy-like. Or don't add the flour, and just serve the turkey "a jus."

Chive Mashed Potatoes

Darth Tater will bring you over to the dark side of extra-buttery potatoes.
I think we've been over this. Potatoes. Chives. Butter. Milk. The. End. Fun add-ins are also cream cheese instead of milk, and garlic. Salt & pepper if you wish, but remember to just say "no" if you're using salted butter, or butter substitute.

Green Bean Casserole

le classique
No one rocks this one like my mom, but dammit, I try. It's basically ripped off from the French's recipe, with a few important differences. Theirs says:

Ingredients:
1 (10 3/4 oz.) can CAMPBELL'S® Cream of Mushroom Soup
3/4 cup milk;
1/8 tsp. black pepper
2 (9 oz. each) pkgs. frozen cut green beans, thawed*
1 1/3 cups FRENCH'S® Original or Cheddar French Fried Onions;
Directions:
1. MIX soup, milk and pepper in a 1 1/2 -qt. baking dish. Stir in beans and 2/3 cup French Fried Onions.
2. BAKE at 350°F for 30 min. or until hot.3. STIR. Top with remaining 2/3 cup onions. Bake 5 min. until onions are golden.
*Tip: You may substitute 2 cans (14 1/2 oz. each) cut green beans, drained or 4 cups fresh, cooked cut green beans.

Here's the deal: You can add MORE green beans for what I find to be a more enjoyable bean-to-other-stuff ratio, AND you don't have to pre-cook the beans. You may find that extra crunch (they still cook just fine) to be quite pleasant!

Finally...

Don't forget some canned cranberry sauce (I hate to break it to you fresh cranberry sauce people, but it's just. not. as good. if it's not infused with ten different preservatives) and a dessert (optional) you bought somewhere else, because, come on, your kitchen is tiny and you don't have room to store baking goods that you'll only use twice a year. Extra points if you serve on your "nice" dishes with real serving utensils, and use as an excuse to force your husband to eat dinner at the dinner table.

There you have it: Thanksgiving in August! Full of win, and of course, yum yum.

Ali's Kitchen: "Local" Steak Dinner

or, "Buy Local-Grown."


Tonight's recipe comes about for two reasons. Ça:


Farmer's market tomato all the way from Georgia.

Not "local," per se, but it was certainly local when my parents picked it up south of Atlanta and shipped it (with two of its compatriots who, sadly, gave their lives so that this tomato might make it). The motivation behind this request wasn't ecological or environmental: It was that NORTHERN TOMATOES SUCK, as I have mentioned previously. People here will try to make you think that our neighbor across the river, New Jersey, has the "best" tomatoes, but as far as I can tell, they're either senile or lying. If it's not an heirloom tomato, it had better come from Georgia, IMO.

Et ça:



My grocery store has FINALLY started carrying local-grown food (which in Manhattan means New Jersey, Long Island, the Hudson Valley or the Fingerlakes Region). I don't know which farm this came from. Until I sliced into it, I didn't even know what IT was. When the cashier looked at it, she was at a complete loss. I guessed romaine? Red leaf lettuce? All I knew was, ZOMG, local-grown fad! As it turned out? It's some kind of endive, which is terribly exciting, since we have some feta which will blend nicely with all this fabulous produce. Toss that all together and throw in some pine nuts or something if you've got 'em. Salad: Done.

The last... um... "local" compontent of tonight's meal is our starch: chive mashed potatoes, which I made last week (they're not gross yet - I swear).


They're from my fridge, hence, local.
(Am so funny. Can hardly stand it.) They involved exactly what it sounds like. Potatoes. And chives. And some butter and milk, all eyeballed to get the right proportions. The end. Steam potatoes (keep skin on for mucho vitamins/nutrients). Mash or whip. Melt in butter, and stir in milk and chives. Reheating will probably necessitate some extra butter so they're not too dry. Damn. Reheat in the microwave, stirring in extra butter as you go. Potatoes: Done.

I have no idea where little steaks are from, but it's not local, because... way too inexpensive. I don't really know what cut they are (some kind of sirloin "tenderloin"), but they look kind of like filet mignon, and they were On Sale, which is The Most Important Part.

I had already salted (to taste), peppered (to taste, i.e., a lot) and garlic-powdered the steaks, when THIS happened:


Garlic powder: Empty. Ali: Flipping out.
So it called for some more flavor. Or it could have just called for "real" garlic, but no way. I'm being lazy tonight, so let's stick with that M.O. After I had added MORE pepper (yikes), K came up with the brilliant idea to order some cabernet. DING! IDEA LIGHT. Marinade! We're using this one, but I'm sure any semi-heavy red would do:


Not local. From California. Where Courtney is moving. From whence Courtney had better send wine.

Now, I didn't bother to look up a "real" marinade. Just like I don't bother using "real" garlic unless I can't help it. I just sloshed some wine on the steaks (looked like about 1/2 c. for a little over 1 lb. steak) (we're big meat-eaters here) and threw some rosemary in. Then pop 'em in a big Ziploc for easy turning and cleanup and put them in the fridge for a couple of hours.

The "rules" I've read about marinade usually reference very specific timing for different meats and , often 4. We're looking at about 2-3 hours here, but... I mean, I kind of feel like I used too much wine anyway, so we'll see... How can wine + steak + (salt + rosemary + garlic powder + [pepper x 2]) = bad? Are the brackets and parentheses supposed to be reversed there? Which kind of math is that anyway? What's the meaning of life? Who knew vinegar was such a great cleaning agent? Could gerbera daisies possibly look friendlier? These are the important questions.

No, we could not.

As always, remember to pre-heat your broiler for 20 minutes or so. I am jealous of anyone whose oven has an automatic thermometer, by the way. And, as always, remember to let your meat get to room temperature. Then, just flip, flop, pop it in your broiler and cook on each side. Depending on the thickness of the steak, this can range from 2 (very thin) to 5 (thicker and bigger steaks) minutes for a first try at rare-to-medium-rare. We new and less-confident cooks feel the need to double check everything for over- or under-cooking.

I ended up... um... not really timing this. I also completely forgot to take a picture of the finished product. Needless to say, it took a little longer than I thought it might to cook the steak BUT ONLY because I have always overshot the cooking times of steak until recently, so now I UNDERshoot. Which is better, I think. ALSO needless to say, it was good. Verrrry good. I think improvising a red wine marinade may just be the best way to do it.

Yum yum.


*Because "Local-Grown" is to Now what "Organic" is to Two Years Ago. I'm as excited about jumping on a new bandwagon as the next person...

Ali's Kitchen: Rosemary Pork Chops and "Ratatouille"

Hello, culinary swashbucklers! We meet again. Let's see what we're dealing with this week.

The problem: You went on vacation and threw out most of the contents of your fridge beforehand. You are left with: Some frozen pork chops; a few lemons; huge bunches of rosemary and thyme (from the Cornish hen) (now essentially dried); and some fingerling potatoes that are going to sprout soon. And garlic and olive oil. There's always garlic and olive oil around these here parts.

The solution: A quick search on Epicurious! This particular search should yield something along the lines of:

Rosemary Pork Chops
(Which is entirely comprised of the following:)
3 garlic cloves
2 teaspoons coarsely chopped rosemary*
3 tablespoons olive oil**
4 (1/2-inch-thick) bone-in rib pork chops (1 1/2 pounds)
Accompaniment: lemon wedges

* I didn't keep track of how much rosemary I used. I have a little set of glass mixing bowls and filled the one that looks like... oh... about an eighth of a cup? More? I don't know. Go wild! Also, we're adding some thyme, simply because we have so damn much.
** I used about 2 Tbsp, max. It was more than enough, as usual.

This recipe also includes the helpful hint: "Rosemary and garlic give these succulent pork chops Mediterranean flair." As far as a side dish, what's more Mediterranean (a.k.a. Greek) than cucumbers? Except cucumbers suck, as far as I'm concerned, so we're going with some simple zucchini (sort of like a cucumber) sauteed with pignoles. Hey, Italy's on the Mediterranean. So go buy some zucchini and pine nuts! Here we go:

Crank that broiler up, and don't forget to pre-heat the broiler PAN as well. If you're like me and have been banned from using a grill by persons who shall remain nameless, then you're looking at a lot of broiling this summer. Awesome. Nothing says summer like a 500+ degree kitchen.

While the broiler's heating, remember to thaw your pork and get it to approximately room temperature so it cooks evenly. We're using boneless pork chops here, so I'm guessing the cook time will be shorter than that stated in the recipe. THAT time is 4 minutes per side, plus 8 minutes' worth "sitting time," so we'll eyeball it. The last thing we want, after all, is trichina worms.

During this time you can:
* "Mince and mash the garlic to a paste with a pinch of salt, then stir together with rosemary, oil, 3/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper. Rub mixture all over chops," as the Epicures have it. Deal with it, Ali: You're going to have stinky fingers after this one. Anyway, it'll be worth it. Look at 'em:


Looks tasty, no?

The mixture isn't so much "paste-" like, but sue me, because I don't have a mortar. Anyway, there's no pleasing everyone here. Look at all that garlic: I know a certain sous chef who's NOT going to be happy about this...


No fair. I no can has garlik.

* Chop up your zucchini. Start by slicing lengthwise, then choppy chop chop all the way down the stalk.


Watch your little fingers!

* Gaze at the heirloom tomatoes in your fridge and wonder: a) if they're coated with salmonella, and b) if they'd taste good as a sort-of-ratatouille with the zucchini. Decide: Probably Not, and Probably, respectively. OMG! You are suddenly making a sort-of-ratatouille thing!

Zucchini + Tomatoes = Who's excited?!

Even though they're a little mealy from being in the fridge for almost a week (mealy is better than fruit flies welcoming us home from Vegas), the tomatoes smell flavorful and look preeetty. See?


I can feel a canker sore forming just from LOOKING at this many tomatoes
* Get EXTRA lazy and steam your potatoes so you don't have to Google how long to roast fingerling potatoes at broiler heat. Start boiling the water now, and remember to scrub off the potatoes because they grow in the GROUND, PEOPLE. And while there may be lots of minerals in soil, it feels... icky between one's teeth, non?

* Measure out some pignoles. Don't go overboard - you just want enough to add some rich flavor to the otherwise plain sauteed zucchini and tomatoes. If you're like me, sautee the pignoles a little before you toss the zucchini (at M-H heat), then tomatoes, into the pan. Because, if you're like me, you don't understand the laws of physics, and are oblivious of the fact that the pine nuts are small enough to fall through and beneath the veggies, and therefore still get nice and toasted. Therefore, if you're like me, you'll end up with some overcooked pine nuts. Occasionally stir your zucchini, then when it's about halfway done, add the tomatoes. Don't cover, or it will get soggy!

* Ponder the irony of e. coli and salmonella being found overwhelmingly in "healthy" foods like spinach and tomatoes, while the beef industry has somehow managed not to kill anyone with those particular pathogens in the recent past. Also ponder the law of averages and likelihoods, and wonder if you should cook the pork extra hot, because, doesn't it just seem like time for meat to get on the bandwagon?


* Quick interlude: You know that car commercial that uses the St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V? ("We few, we happy few, we band of brothers," etc.) My husband just correctly identified it as the St. Crispin's Day speech. My husband. Wut??? (Hot.) (Not hot: When my husband leaves his plate on the table later and jumps on the phone with his father when I'm cleaning up. Then, when I ask him to bring his plate to the dishwasher, leaves it on the counter without even rinsing it. Bad boy.)

Time for the Main Event.
Pop those four succulent pork chops in the broiler. Let's try four minutes on each side... Okay, not quite enough. Let's try two more minutes on the first side...

Oh, and don't do what I did: Almost burn yourself to death while flipping the chops over a second time (weren't done enough to bring out and cool), then putting the grill pan in semi-sideways, at which point it slipped to the bottom of the broiler. Then I very intelligently plopped my oven mitt-clad hand in to grab it, realizing that the thumb side VERY NEARLY made contact with the blue-hot flames. Whoever thinks a TINY GRILL is more dangerous than a RAGING HOT BROILER is absolutely deluding themselves. But don't even get me started on that...

Here we are, the final result:


Oddly monochromatic, yes?

(Keep in mind the meat portion won't be as large as it looks here - pork chops are surrounded by a thin ring of fat, and usually one fatty end. Depending on your tastes, may not end up in your belly. Between me, Tarot and K, we didn't manage to finish both of mine here. It's tough cooking for two when you're really honest about whether or not you'll actually end up eating it for leftovers.)

The Result, and some Final Notes.

* Rosemary (and Thyme) Pork Chops: Oops. I overcooked it. As usual. I was deceived by the "pink" left in it when I was SUPPOSED to take it out. Otherwise, YUM! Tastes almost lemony, which I guess must be the rosemary, as I'm not using my decorative lemon slices.

* "Ratatouille" Thing: Pretty good. Should have started it a little later (started it a few minutes before putting the pork in the broiler). Next time I make this I will: a) Use Feta or Parmesan instead of pignoles - should sauce it up a little! b) Not use so many tomatoes - they masked the flavor of the zucchini. c) Make this dish when I have some onions lying around. THAT would be yummy!

* Potatoes: What's not to like about potatoes? I didn't even pay attention to how long they steamed. I don't think you can really over-steam potatoes. At least, not in MY kitchen you can't!

Thus ends another mostly successful foray into the culinary arts. Next time... well, who knows? Possibly Turkish lamb kabobs! Mmm!

Post-Evening-Snack Note: Sprinkling some Parmesan on the "ratatouille" really helped. Zing!

Ali's Kitchen: Sauted Soft Shell Crabs

Welcome back, culinary swashbucklers! (I don’t know where I got that, but I’m sticking with it.) Before we get started, two announcements: First, we have an exciting new addition to the kitchen, though we won’t be using it tonight:


Say hello to Mister Toaster! (Again, just like Mr. Grilly, we're really imaginative around here.)

Second, when getting ready to cook, I discovered that our trash bag was… leaking. But I reeeally didn’t feel like cleaning and mopping and whatnot before cooking a whole meal, sooo…. Procrastination Powers Activate! Form of: A paper towel! And flip-flops!

Tonight we’re having salad, (microwaved) baked potatoes, and... drum roll please… the fantabulous, succulent, in-season wonder that is SOFT SHELL CRAB.

It’s important to remember the following commandments when cooking crab:
1. Thou shall not mask the natural flavors of the meat with too many seasonings or spices, lest ye completely defeat the purpose of making crab.
2. Thou shall not overcook the crab, thus rendering its fabulous texture rough and chewy.
3. Thou shall avoid frozen crab at all costs, NAY, UPON PAIN OF DEATH… or if not death, then at least disappointment.Those are pretty much the basics. Go for fresh crab, don’t bombard it with all sorts of flavoring, and for the love of Blog, don’t overcook it. With that in mind, let’s get started with our materials:


First things first: The crab.


Sorry, little crabbies. You were too tasty to live.

Second things second: All you need is some olive oil or butter (or substitute); some flour (if sautéing); and some salt and pepper. You can also serve this with lemon wedges if you have lemons around (we don’t), and if you like lemon with your seafood (I don’t). Also have on hand: a large plate; and a large frying pan or roasting pan, depending on if you want to sauté or roast/broil. FYI, we’re working with 8 rather small crabs. We’re using an amalgam of recipes ranging from The Joy of Cooking to Epicurious to some random website.

Before you get rolling, go ahead and throw together your side dishes. Hopefully you’ve chosen simple ones that can be prepared ahead of time, or you have a sous-chef with opposable thumbs, unlike some of us:

Wut? Am prolly smarter than u, human.

… The point being that you’ll want your full attention for the crab, so as not to violate the third Crab Commandment. That being said, the actual cooking bit is relatively easy. (Side note: Since we’re having potatoes, I went for our sour cream, only to discover it was no longer sour cream, to be precise, but something… blue.)

To sauté: Get the pan nice and hot; sprinkle crabs with salt and pepper to taste; sprinkle some flour onto the large plate and coat the crabs well; and sauté in the pan with a little oil/butter/substitute until golden brown. Traditional recipes will tell you about 4-6 minutes per side:

According to them thar recipes, you should get ‘em good and red, and firm. To roast/broil, preheat the broiler or set the oven to 500 ̊, brush the crabs on each side with melted butter, and sprinkle with salt & pepper (not so much with the flour for this one), and cook without turning for about 10 minutes (according to The Joy of Cooking, hereafter, TJoC).

We’ll sauté, since it’s more fun to photograph. Here we go:


Your crabs are ready to go! They’ve been sprinkled and floured and your butter, etc., is melting in the frying pan. Let’s pop those babies on!

This part is pretty much your basic eye-it-as-it-goes. After 3-4 minutes on the first side, we flip them. After 4 minutes on the second side, we remove them from the pan, and straight to the plates, where the potatoes, they will freely admit, were starting to feel lonely. Now let’s see how this all came together…


As you can see, the claws turned red almost instantly! To keep the crab from sticking to the pan, but still keep the pan hot enough, I added small dabs of “butter” as we went along, tossing the crab about like a pancake. This worked well, and I still ended up with a minimal amount of oily product.I had NO idea how to eat soft shell crab. Google revealed that I was in good company. Apparently, you’re supposed to eat the WHOLE THING. ... Which will look approximately like this:


Here are the Discoveries I had upon eating:
1) WHY DID I NOT FOLLOW MY LOBSTER RULE?! Said rule: This thing just came from salt water, so it doesn’t need added salt. WHY? WHYYYY??? I added just a bit of salt, and lo, the crab was waaaay too salty. This was relatively easily remedied by peeling off the body shell, but I would have liked the whole “whole crab” experience.
2) … Or maybe I wouldn’t have liked that. I found crunching on the shells to be reminiscent of, well, descriptions of cannibalism in various novels. And don’t get me started on eating that bluish-green part in the middle.
3) The cleanup for this meal is going to be really, really easy.

In short, this was a fun experiment, but I think I’ll stick to steaming fully grown and shell-hardened blue crabs in future. Though I’m pretty sure we had at least ONE fan in the house:

nom nom nom