Ali's Kitchen: Swedish Holiday Treats

Happy Holidays!

I am ALL about my [admittedly meager] Swedish heritage this year. I may only be about 1/16, but I know the name of my most recent Swedish ancestor (Maria Pollan, née Larson), so that counts for something, I figure. My Nana, who has had a very tough year, always identified with her Swedish heritage, if not necessarily in the kitchen. It'll be a fun, and for me meaningful holiday exercise to attempt a few traditional Swedish recipes.

A word about Swedish holidays:

St. Lucia's Day
Lussekatter
On the feast day of St. Lucia, little Swedish girls (and Norwegian girls and Danish girls and Italian girls and a bunch of girls) dress up in white gowns with red sashes, wear wreaths with burning candles on their heads (yeah, really) and pass out the Christmas presents. You know this if you, like me, had the American Girl Doll Kirsten Larson, who was a plucky Swedish immigrant in 1854 (or something). Kirsten had a St. Lucia's Day outfit, and I think the outfit even came with a little plastic lussekatt, the saffron bun baked and eaten on St. Lucia's Day night. It all sounds terribly cute until you consider the fact that the wreath with candles is supposed to symbolize the *fire that wouldn't burn St. Lucy after she was sentenced to death*. Isn't that festive? I pulled the below recipe from a website to which I will NOT link, because they had all kinds of typos and it was just generally an "off" recipe, so I had to modify.

Jul/Midwinter
Glögg
The Yule is celebrated on December 24th in Sweden, though it's also tied to the old Germanic pagan festivals related to the Winter Solstice on December 21st. This is the day when Swedes tie one on and really enjoy their version of spiced mulled wine: glögg (pronounced something like "glug"). There are so many various recipes for glögg that you can feel free to assemble the main ingredients and use them in whatever proportions please you best.

Any Swedish Holiday At All
Köttbullar
Swedish. Meatballs. 'Nuff said. Always, always served with lingonberry preserves. Seriously, in Sweden if you try to eat köttbullar without lingonberries? They will arrest you and beat you. I've provided the classic preparation from Fresh Direct, but I'll outline my method, too.

LUSSEKATTER
(Saffron Buns)
INGREDIENTS
1/4 teaspoon saffron threads 1 cup milk 1 tablespoon yeast 1/2 cup sugar 4 ounces (1 stick) unsalted butter 5 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon salt 2 large eggs, beaten 1 beaten egg white for egg wash
PREPARATION
Pound saffron threads to break down strands. (Ali note: Or just tell the people reading your recipe to get saffron powder, jeez.)
In a small saucepan, heat milk to lukewarm.
Mix yeast with 1/4 cup milk and 1 tablespoon sugar. Set aside.
On low heat, melt butter in saucepan with milk. Add crushed saffron. Let cool.
In large bowl, mix together flour salt and remaining sugar.
Stir yeast into cooled milk mixture. Mix into dry ingredients, beating to mix well. Add beaten eggs.
Knead in bowl for 5 - 7 minutes. (Ali note: Kneading in the bowl is somewhat confining. After the eggs are mixed in well, feel free to jump right to your floured board, or counter, as the case may be.) Turn onto floured board and knead another 7 - 8 minutes. (Ali note: If it's sticking to your little fingers, try adding a bit more flour to your board or counter; that’ll mix in and firm up the consistency a little. Conversely, if it's too DRY to stick to your little fingers, sprinkle some water on as you knead 'til it's about the right texture - something like Play-Doh.) (Don't forget to wash your hands before you start this recipe, including under your filthy little fingernails, you scab.)
Put dough in lightly greased bowl, turn to coat all sides, cover and put in warm, draft-free place to rise for about 1 hour.
When dough has risen, knead lightly to push out air and divide into small pieces (about 10-12). (Ali note: Whoever wrote this recipe was high if they thought this amount of dough makes 10-12 of these things, the size of which would cook in 15 minutes. I ended up with closer to 18, and still needed a little longer in the oven.)
Using the hands, roll each small piece into a strip about 8 - 10 inches long. Shape each strip into an 'S' or a figure 8. (Ali note: For authentic look, place a raisin or currant in the dimples of each bun.)
Place on lightly buttered cookie sheets. Cover with clean cloth and let rise again, about 1 to 1 1/2 hours.
Preheat oven to 375°F.
When dough has risen, brush lightly with egg white.
Bake in preheated 375° F oven for 15 minutes, or until lightly browned (which was a bit longer than 15 minutes).
Let cool on wire rack.

GLÖGG
(Um... Glögg)
As noted above, you can make glögg in nearly any way you choose. This is my favorite amalgamation:
INGREDIENTS
1 bottle dry red, such as Cabernet Sauvignon
1 cup brandy
3-4 cinnamon sticks
6-8 cloves
1-2 teaspoons ground cardamom (ideally you use 3-4 whole caramom pods, cracked, but good luck finding those in most grocery stores)
1 tablespoon dried orange peel (or the peel of 1 whole orange)
1/3 cup sugar (ideally brown, but if you're scrimping and just have white, go for it!)
Currants or raisings
Almond slivers
PREPARATION
Simple: Heat. On the stove. For at least 45 minutes. Don't let it reach 170 or so (that means keep it just at steaming and below simmering), unless you want nonalcoholic glögg. A clean meat thermometer is handy for this purpose.
Put a small handful of currants (or raisins) and almond slivers at the bottom of each glass.
Pour the glögg into your glasses through a sieve to strain out the cloves and such, and enjoy.

Skål!

KÖTTBULLAR
(Swedish Meatballs)
I made this with 2 lbs. ground beef (you can also use veal with the beef, about 1/3 to 1/2 the total amount of meat; that's how the restaurants usually do it) instead of 1 1/3 lbs., which is what the original recipe called for. Watching *me*, the literature nerd, try to figure out that sort of conversion? Must have been priceless. I had to appeal to my civil engineer father for guidance. This is what he came up with:
INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup plain breadcrumbs
1/2 cup milk
1 medium yellow onion, finely diced
1 egg plus 1 egg white
2 lbs. pounds lean ground beef (But for goodness sake, not too lean.)
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper (Most recipes call for white pepper, but this one doesn’t differentiate; I used white)
1/2 tsp allspice
1 tbs butter
1 tbs extra-virgin olive oil

PREPARATION (The "real" way)
Soak breadcrumbs in milk for 5 to 10 minutes until the liquid is absorbed.
To a bowl add onion, egg, ground beef, soaked bread crumbs, all spice, salt and pepper.
Mix all the ingredients together with your hands and shape the meat mixture into small balls, less than an inch in diameter. If the mixture starts to sticks to your hands, wet them with cold water.
Heat a skillet with butter and extra virgin olive oil.
Sauté the meatballs in 3 or 4 batches, turning them frequently to keep the meatballs from sticking. Drain them on paper towels.
Drain the excess olive oil and scrape off and discard any browned bits of meat that may be sticking to pan after the meatballs are done.
To the same pan add butter and flour and stir until it browns.
Quickly add a can of beef stock and bring to a boil, stirring constantly until gravy thickens.
Remove from the heat and serve immediately with the meatballs.

PREPARATION (The weenie way)
Preheat the oven to 400°F.
After you've formed the meatballs as described above, place in a lightly greased, uncovered Pyrex dish.
Cook for about 10-20 minutes, depending on the size of the meatballs; eyeball it and do a touch-test to test for doneness. Rotate halfway through so the entire sphere gets browned as it would have in a frying pan.
Remove from pan, and drain on paper towels; keep warm after draining.
Use pan scrapings to make gravy as described above, adding extra beef broth or stock to increase volume as necessary.

(Sorry for the freaky lighting. Still getting the hang of this new camera!)

Enjoy your Swedish feast, you crazy Vikings! } :- )

(That's clearly a Viking helmet, BTW.)

(Shaddup.)

Courtney: Tacos de Pescado

You love tacos. You really do. You can't understand why anyone wouldn't. You have a waning bottle of Patron, and a sous chef with sympathetic feelings and a camera. He good.

Tonight (well technically last week, but you were lazy about getting the pictures) we will be making tacos de pescado, also known as fish tacos (stop giggling, okay?). These will be relatively simple, unlike overly-decadent Tex-Mex varieties and you will need the following:

For pickled red onion and jalapeños:

1/2 a red onion (halve the whole onion lengthwise, cut thinly crosswise)

3 whole, small japapeños (sliced lengthwise into strips)

1 cup of rice vinegar (though I imagine any vinegar would do...for reasons later revealed we ended up using white wine vinegar)

3 tablespoons of fresh lime juice (I would recommend 2-3 limes)

1 tablespoon of coarse kosher salt (not recommended for direct intake without tequila + lime)

For guacamole:

2 ripe avocados (fat ones preferably, otherwise I would recommend more. In fact, historians have recently disproved that nectar and ambrosia were the food of the gods, and that instead Zeus and the rest of the Olympians actually feasted on avocados and tequila with lime.)

The other 1/2 of your red onion (diced into very small pieces or your sous chef will redo the work for you)

2 cloves of garlic (minced)

2 limes

fresh cilantro chopped (this, as well as most things I do not really measure. I add what feels right. So go ahead, do what FEELS right. I'm adamant fresh cilantro be used. Fo' real.)

salt and pepper to taste

For fish:

1 cup of buttermilk

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1 1/2 tablespoons hot pepper sauce (be careful of this around small children, pets and your orally-fixated sous chef)

1 1/2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt (divided)

1 lime

1 pound tilapia fillets (because it was on sale, but you may also use halibut, sea bass, striped bass) (cut into 1/2 inch strips)

Additional:

2 tomatoes (diced)

a package of little corn tortillas (ours had 12 inside and that was beyond plenty)

1 cup of self-rising flour (logically I would assume this means flour WITH yeast. We purchased some yeast on the side, but forgot to use it. Oops.)

Vegetable oil for frying

tequila (optional)

rum (optional)

Looza nectars (such as Banana, Passion Fruit, Mango, or all three) (optional)

clothing (VERY optional)

Pickled Onions and Jalapeños come first because they have to pickle:

DO:
Place onion and jalapeños in a heatproof medium-sized bowl.
Mix vinegar and salt in a small saucepan.
Cut your limes in quarters and juice those bitches to join their friends in the saucepan.
Bring your mixture to a boil, stirring until the salt dissolves. (This all should happen pretty quickly).
Pour over onions and jalapeños.
Let stand at room temperature at least 1 hour.
(If you'd like to make in advance, cover and refrigerate).
Drink a mixture of rum and nectar over ice while you cook.

DON'T:
Throw vinegar all over the kitchen and yourself accidentally.
Pout over spilled vinegar.

After you've showered for the second time and smell vinegar free AND have gotten over wasting the remainder of the rice vinegar on polishing the floor (and substitute it with white wine vinegar), it's time to get to mixing together your tilapia!

Tilapia town:

Mix buttermilk, cilantro, pepper sauce, and 1 teaspoon of salt in a large bowl. Juice your lime into there in the same fashion as before. Add fish fillets; toss. Cover and chill at least an hour.

INTERMISSION!!

You have an hour now. Your tilapia's a-brewin'; your onions and jalapeños are stewing in their juices. What are two chefs to do??

FIRST:
Take shots! Open wide. Insert tequila.

Get it all in there!

I recommend a lime, not an avocado.

SECOND:

So now you've done a shot, but there is still so much time left to squander. While you do a quick perusal of your closet, your sous chef should take the time to search for stripper-esque music on Pandora. Then, be sure to give your sous chef a strip show on your coffee table in a spur of the moment school girl outfit to thank him for all his hard work.

DO:
Brag that the skirt you are dancing in was purchased in high school.
Rock out in your silver pumps with red argyle heart socks on.
Have fun and put on red lipstick.
Give your sous chef a perma-grin.

DON'T:
Feel it necessary to mention that the skirt doesn't really fit you that well (the point is you can get it on and it's still below your belly button).
Forget to give you sous chef the $10-spot you owe him for your share of the supplies.

Knock over your drink. (I know, again??)

OK, approximately an hour should have gone by during all these shenanigans. You should probably return to making dinner now. What are you doing? Stop that! Well...okay...

Tilapia: the sequel:

Whisk flour and remaining 1 1/2 teaspoon of salt in a medium-sized bowl. Add enough oil to a large skillet to reach the depth of 1 inch. Heat the oil until thermometer registers 350˚F. (Your sous chef is doing this while you prepare the guacamole, so you're not really sure how long he waited for the oil to heat. Also, you don't have a thermometer as far as you can remember...hell, you don't even have a full set of measuring cups...later your sous chef informs you he's not very good at frying things. Realize you don't really care. You have rum in your non-stirring hand and it all smells awesome anyway.) Working in batches, remove fish from marinade and dredge in flour. Carefully add fish to skillet, cover partially, and fry until golden brown, turning occasionally, about 4 minutes. Transfer to paper towel lined baking sheet to drain.

Guacamole, mi amore:

So you've given your sous chef the task of frying fish because you LOVE making guacamole. I like to get the garlic chopping out of the way first. Slice each clove thinly and then let your knife walk all over those little slivers. Your knife was made for walking. I promise. Mince finely and toss into yet another medium-sized bowl (you apparently have an ARMY of these, or like me keep washing out the same 2).

Dice your remaining red onion 1/2 and throw in.

Now it's time to have your way with the avocados. Slice around the pit with your knife in a circular motion. Take each half with one hand, twist and pull apart. Marvel at how good you are at picking out avocados. Repeat with second avocado. Now for the pit.
Carefully hack your chef knife into the pit so it's in solidly, twist your knife like deadly little Miho from Sin City and pull. Discard into the trash. Repeat.

Slice your avocado halves lengthwise and crosswise into the shell so you have a checkerboard pattern when you are done. Think about Tetris for a minute as you push the avocado out of the shell from the bottom into the bowl. Reverse Tetris.

When you have all that goodness in the bowl (feel free to use a spoon to help you) coarse chop your cilantro (or more finely according to preference) and juice those limes. Grind in some pepper (I used regular ground black pepper and also fresh ground mix of many colored peppercorns) and salt to taste.

Mash with a fork, or your favorite mashing utensil. Don't be afraid to taste as you go, adding lime, salt, and pepper as needed. Take your time. Your sous chef has all that fish to make (because you are doing this while he is slaving over the stove).

I prefer my guacamole to have a lot of avocado chunks in it, instead of being really smooth like store-bought brands. Avocado is really amazing, but once I put it in my hair because I heard that was supposed to be a good thing to do. It really wasn't. My hair felt really dried out and I got slightly panicked. Technically, it makes no sense to me. Avocado oil? How was that missing from this equation? It seemed like a model avocado...

Anyway, quickly pop your tortillas into the microwave, separated by sheets of paper towels. Zap them for 30 seconds.

Voila! You are finito! Now you can take it directly to the mouth and taste it, much like this instruction manual for eating ranbutans. Following this recipe will make more than plenty for two people.