Ali's Kitchen: Broiled Lamb Chops and Basmati Rice With Sweet Onions and Summer Herbs

Well, hey there, my culinary swashbucklers! Welcome to the kitchen at Chez Ali and Ken. Let's start out with the number one thing to know about our little restaurant. The Executive Chef (me) loves herbs and spices. See?

So much so, in fact, that tonight we're using: Freshly ground black pepper, sea salt, freshly ground porcini mushroom powder, ground coriander, sea salt, and fresh dill, tarragon and chervil.

The main course this evening: Broiled lamp chops! Accompanied by Epicurious.com's Basmati Rice With Sweet Onions and Summer Herbs. Lastly, we'll be having microwave-steamed asparagus (steamed in a big Gladware container, at that, because I don't care if the leaching plastic might give me cancer when I'm 85; it's just easier than pot steaming).


First, let's talk about the Basmati rice. If you're like me, you don't like rice. I KNOW. Weird. Whatever. I'm not a huge rice fan, but this particular recipe sounded interesting enough (I love Vidalias, and dill? With rice? Enough to reel me in...) that I wanted to see if it could make me actively want to eat rice. Since I don't love rice, it's of course in the back corner on the highest shelf of our tiny pantry/cabinet. While searching for the brown Basmati, I discovered the following:

1) More Bacos than I thought existed on the entire planet. Really.
2) Flower food, which I'm pretty sure is toxic to people... so... maybe don't keep it around food? Maybe?
3) Mint julep cups. Um... what? Ooooh, don't mint juleps go with lamb? Because mint and lamb??? Damn it, no brandy. Or mint. Next time, my pretty....

So, that's what we discovered setting up the kitchen for the lamb and rice dinner. Moving on. A very important thing to keep in mind: Karma is a bitch. What does this have to do with cooking lamb, you ask? Well, my friends, lamb is a Cute Cuddly Animal (CCA). If you're like me, not only are you not crazy about rice, but you also have issues with eating CCA's because you're sure it's somehow Just Wrong. To balance out this karmic risk, it's a good idea to pay homage to another, different species of CCA while you're cooking. To wit:


Otters definitely count as CCA's of the highest caliber.

Now that you've hopefully got a CCA image somewhere on your person, let's make with the cooking. First of all, you've got to consult with your sous-chef and make sure that he or she understands his/her responsibilities. Here I am explaining to my sous-chef that his responsibilities include not reaching up for a pat so that my pants are clawed down while I have raw lamb juice on my hands.

I don't know if he fully grasped the concept, but fortunately, I was wearing jeans.

Now that your sous-chef is fully informed, let's get to work. Tackle the rice dish first, since the lamb needed to come to room temperature anyway. It's a small piece of meat, so it achieves lukewarmness very quickly, but I must insist that you do this with red meat! Other things, you can get away with throwing it on the heat while still chilled. NOT RED MEAT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET YOUR RED MEAT TO ROOM TEMP! Anyway. Right. The rice.

I halved the recipe so that instead of 2 cups of sweet onion I needed less than 1. This works out nicely to half a large Vidalia. The other half of the onion is currently in the deli drawer, either destined for a salad later this week, or to grow the next great mold-based antibiotic. I'll let you know. You're meant to chop the onion, not dice, which may look a bit large, but the flavor still releases with a nice, coarse chop. This is my definition of what that looks like:


Note that I was chopping with my Little Knife, because the onion was a little spongy, and I didn't want to Decapitate My Fingers. Whatever. If it gets the job done...

Once the onion's chopped, go ahead and heat the saucepan. The recipe calls for "large," but I'm using a 2-quart, because that's all I have! It works fine. I also use "fake" butter (Smart Balance, which is better for cooking than most other non-margarine butter substitutes). Saute the onion over medium-high heat, or if your stove's like mine, medium, until it's translucent. (The onion. Not the stove.) At that point, add the rice, water and salt, in that order. I'm using less than half the salt called for (even factoring in my smaller-than-half of the recipe) and it will be more than enough. Bring the rice mixture to a boil, then cover and reduce the heat to low. If you're using white rice, cooking supposedly takes 15 more minutes. Using brown (which we are here) adds another 1/4 cup of water, and another 10 minutes (for 30 or so total from the onion).

During this time you can: Set the table; check on your husband who is sleeping and will not be eating with you because he caught your Super Cold in the middle of May; and bring the lamb to room temperature if you haven't already taken it out of the fridge. Don't worry; the rice isn't going anywhere if it finishes before the lamb is de-chilled. Honestly, I never heard of rice that can't sit on a warm stove for 20 or so minutes and not taste just the same. Especially brown rice.

This is also a fun time for a Pop Quiz. Based on Ali's Anecdotal Evidence from working in three total restaurants in her entire life, what percentage of restaurant cooks and chefs would you assume washes their hands after using the bathroom (number 1)? (And, yes, it's "washes," not "wash," because the verb is corresponding with "percentage," not "cooks and chefs," and "percentage," like "family," or any other compound noun, is still, technically singular, so bugger off.) The answer is...

About 25. Yep. About 25%. That percentage is markedly higher for servers, bussers, bartenders, managers and hostesses. The percentage is generally better for line cooks than for sous-chefs, chefs de cuisine and executive chefs. My best guess is that the non-hand-washers just think they're too important to waste the time with soap and water if they've only... you know... gone number 1. Just thought you should know. According to Ali's Anecdotal Evidence, it's true.

All right. Now that we've all passed the Pop Quiz, let's go back to the rice. Now, with rice, there are two major schools of thought: To Stir or Not To Stir. My mother always told me, "DON'T STIR IT! YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP THE LID ON! IT'S COOKING IN ITS STEAM!" The first time I cooked rice in front of K, he wanted to know, "WHY AREN'T YOU STIRRING IT? YOU'VE GOT TO STIR IT!" Now, given the fact that I've burned about 75% of the rice I've ever cooked, this time, let's go with K's mom's (because it certainly wasn't his) idea. Upon adding the previously mentioned 1/4 cup of water, stir it around to lift it off the bottom of the pan. When THAT water is gone, we stir in the fresh herbs:


The smell should be positively nutty - thank you, tarragon and dill! Chervil, you aren't really doing your part; I don't even know why you're here. You're like contestant number 5 on American Idol, and should just give up. At this point, take the rice off the heat source and keep it covered; it will be fine.

By now, the broiler should be heated (you should have lit it when the rice began to boil) and you can pop the lamb in. Keep in mind, with lamb chops, that the actual portion of meat is only as big as the red part in the middle here, under the "butter" pat:


That's about the width of... let's see... a pansy blossom. Yeah. So, bear that in mind when buying. It's not the most cost-effective meat, or even cut of lamb, and I bet this recipe would work equally well with a pork chop or veal chop. Anyway, on the lamb chop above, sprinkle sea salt (ideal for those of us who are sensitive to salt, but still want that salty kick), freshly ground black pepper, porcini powder (dried porcini from a grinder, that is) and ground coriander. Eschew the apparently canonical advice of broiling 4 1/2 to 5 minutes a side, because I like my meat not quite mooing or bleating, but at least still bleeding, and I just. don't. buy. that lamb chops need that long.

Upon popping the lamb in the broiler, zap the asparagus in the microwave for 4 minutes, which also works as a great timer. Remember to check on your sous-chef. Just as I suspected, mine's asleep:

When the asparagus dings, go flip the lamb over. Cook the asparagus for another 4 minutes, and your lamb chops will be done! (I put mine in for an extra tragic minute, and they were just a bit too done; don't go over 4 per side... maybe even 3 and 3.) Now, for Heaven's sake, let the meat sit when you take it out. Do NOT, like Kenny those who shall remain nameless, dive at the meat the second it's out of the oven or broiler, EVER. It has to set. Or something... Anyway, LEAVE IT ALONE!

Now, if you've followed these instructions, your finished product looks something like this:


Mmmmm, lamb chops. I wasn't sure about the mushroom powder on lamb when we started, but it adds a great gaminess to this very mild red meat. Likewise, I'm happy to report that the rice tastes wonderful! I may just add dill and tarragon to 85% of all the rice I cook from here on out. And with the rich, involved flavors of the main dish and the rice, the simple, steamed asparagus (fresh in Spring) is a good balance. I actually had this with white wine, instead of red, which I also enjoyed.

Wait a second... I think I hear...

Ah, yes. There's my sous-chef:


Someone seems to their eyes on the prize...