Cooking with Sheila: Easy Banh Mi!

hello there readers!! this is my first post to the esteemed yumyum cooking club, so i should introduce myself. i am sheila, chef hopeful and one day culinary school attendee. for now, i am just a girl who loves cooking and HATES her kitchen. my posts will most likely tend to have an undercurrent of frustration from dealing with the constraints of my little kitchen. my last house had a dishwasher, garbage disposal, and loads of counter space and cabinets. my new house has no dishwasher, no counter space, and no room for fucking ANYTHING!!! can you blame me for being a little grumpy?? i am all about bringing a little fancy into everyday life, making some basic recipes with a twist, working with what i have in my house, being cheap, and all that.

anyway, onto the food! so essentially, banh mi is an amazing vietnamese sandwich on a baguette. it mixes crunchy and mushy, sweet and savory. just general deliciousness, on toasted bread. it features red chili paste, pork, cucumbers, basil, cilantro, and other wonderful flavors. however, it's more of a project. last night i came home ravenously hungry and needing a relatively quick fix. so here's what i did.

1) throw some olive oil in the pan, toss in a diced onion and 2 cloves of garlic. let the onion get nice and soft for a few minutes.2) put in your protein- whether that is ground turkey, ground beef, pork, chicken, etc. i used ground beef. brown it.
3) add some soy sauce, maybe 2 tbsps, some salt for flavor , and some sugar (probably a teaspoon or two).4)another of my gripes is produce. everytime i buy some produce, it almost always goes bad because i have ambitious ideas and a lazy hand. this especially applies to fresh herbs. so instead, i used some dried basil and dried cilantro. 1 tsp of each.
4)add 2-3 tbsps of hoisin sauce and mix it all up. taste it and make sure there is enough flavor on hur.5)spread red chili paste (which is at any grocery store in the asian aisle, same goes for the hoisin sauce) on a whole wheat tortilla- or basically whatever you have on hand. if you have a baguette, go wild. if you have some bread, do it. this stuff is spicy, so if you have a sensitive stomach beware. or just use sparingly.6)put some of the beef mixture in the center of your tortilla. i picked up some mixed greens in a bag and put some of those on.7)roll it up and you are done!!

i strongly recommend you make a "real" banh mi sandwich someday, but this is great in a pinch. xoxo

Ali's Kitchen: Scallops Florentine On The Fly!

So you just got back from a Jeopardy! audition and you're tired, hungry, AND you just spent your order-in budget on a new skirt and blouse from Banana Republic: Now what?

I'll tell ya friggin what! Pull some stuff out of the freezer and get crackin'! Tonight we're cooking Scallops Fiorentino, with all ingredients either from the freezer or pantry: No "fresh" ingredients. Gross? Maybe. But awesome. And cheap. So EXTRA awesome.

First, let's acknowledge how you're feeling if you're cooking this kind of meal: Tired. Observe:


You're tired, and you remember you have some scallops in the freezer that you ordered in October or so, and haven't cooked yet because your husband/dining partner/self decided they didn't feel like eating scallops anytime between October and now. However, last night, the magic word "scallops" was spoken. What a lucky stroke! However, how do you spice up frozen scallops? First, see if there are any fresh herbs lying around. Since you cooked rice with tarragon and dill earlier this week, it's good odds that some of those herbs are still edible. Let's take a look:


That tarragon may LOOK frightening, but give it a sniff, and I bet you'll find that:


It's still perfectly edible! Especially with a dish involving scallops, or something else that will mask anything off-color.

Second, you've got to deal with energy levels, because, even though you're cooking with frozen food, you're still cooking, and therefore must be vigilant. Wake up! You know what will help you wake up? Your Super Fabulous Apron of Fabulousness!:


All right! Now you're all set! First things first: Since we're calling this dish "Scallops Fiorentino," we better have some spinach somewhere, since that's apparently what "Fiorentino" means, where Americans are concerned. In our case, we have some frozen, chopped spinach that's been there for at least as long as the scallops, if not longer. Here's our full arsenal:


Some icky-looking but nice-smelling tarragon; a few garlic cloves that have been around for a month or so, but are still great since garlic has antibiotic properties, and therefore keeps for a long time; linguine; scallops; and salt & pepper.

Suddenly, we're getting a divine inspiration, and we decide to coat the scallops with some sort of Parmesan cheese! Awesome! This is what was in MY fridge, but use whatever you have:

Now that we have everything assembled, I'd say start by SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY defrosting the scallops. Do this in the microwave, at defrost or at least half strength, checking at least every two minutes or so. I'm working with about a pound of good-quality sea scallops, but I'm not going to slap a time on this. Just check, and keep checking, and don't over-thaw! For God's sake! The scallops should be thawed when they separate somewhat easily with a fork. Try turning them and shaking them about if they don't want to separate after four minutes or so. Try not to tear them, but if you do, eh. They'll still taste the same, and this is a FAST dinner, not a PRETTY one.

When the scallops are thawed, get a big Tupperware or other wide container and sprinkle in a generous layer of Parmesan (or whatever). Drain the excess liquid from the thawed scallops and toss them into the Parm (or whatever) until coated on all sides. Now they can sit until needed. If you have to go elope or something else that takes a long time, pop them in the fridge; otherwise, don't bother.

At this point, boil your pasta water and, when that's boiling, plop the pasta in. During the boiling and pasta-cooking time, go ahead and slice (don't dice) your garlic, and roughly chop your tarragon. An AWESOME trick I learned from my mom is to press each garlic clove under your knife, as this makes peeling much easier. Also, since we aren't dicing (it takes too long and makes your fingers stinky), pressing a little yields extra flavor.

Heat some olive oil and butter (or cooking-friendly substitute) in a big pan. The amount depends on how many scallops you're cooking; I went with about half of the canonical amount, which gave me about 1 Tb. olive oil and 1/2 Tb. "butter." When that's heated, toss in your garlic and cook over med-high heat JUST UNTIL BROWNED. DO NOT BURN IT, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. BURNT GARLIC TASTES LIKE ASS.

During all of this, if you're using frozen spinach (please, don't use canned), you can be leisurely thawing it. There's no rush on this, but it usually takes about 8 minutes, FYI. Also, when your pasta is done, drain and toss with about 1/2 or 1 Tb. olive oil to keep it from sticking together. This also helps bring in the last bit of oil that you've cut out from the scallops, without giving you a too-oily, greasy dish overall.

When your garlic is browned, toss in your "Parmesan"-coated scallops. Honestly, I never time scallops; I just eyeball them. I toss them intermittently and keep an eye out for increasing opacity. How done or rare you like your scallops is totally subjective, which also makes timing irrelevant. The spinach and pasta can be done at least five minutes before all of this if, like me, you're awful at multi-tasking in the kitchen.

Also, you may want to give your sous-chef a pat. Otherwise, he might claw down your pants:


When your spinach is done, I recommend tossing it into your pasta, especially if your spouse or dining partner is averse to green things. THAT way he/she won't be able to avoid eating green! Ha HA!

A recommended wine for scallops (and indeed much fish) is:


Quincy is a Loire Valley wine made from Sauvignon Blanc grapes, usually producing a dry, somewhat acidic wine. It usually tastes best with food, but is also an enjoyable apéritif. Also, if you pronounce is "kwin-see," I might slap you. It's like "canh-si." It's a French word. Please pronounce as such.

Et voilà, your finished product:


FYI, those aren't walnuts which I simply forgot to mention: That's what the garlic and Parmesan do when they stick together in oil at medium-high heat. Eating them is like eating a happy explosion of salt and dairy, a.k.a., the best thing imaginable.

Remember: Your sous-chef will probably want in on this freezer experiment, however, keep in mind that feline sous-chefs, like mine, can't eat garlic. Sorry, sous-chef. I'll give you some turkey later.

Halfway through the meal, realize, HOLY CRAP! WE FORGOT TO ADD ANY SALT OR PEPPER! BECAUSE WE WERE TIRED!

However, either because frozen food secretly involves extra salt, or because the "Parmesan" and "butter" we were using involves extra salt we aren't told about, no one - even our salt-crazy husband - noticed the absence! Success!

Ali's Kitchen: Broiled Lamb Chops and Basmati Rice With Sweet Onions and Summer Herbs

Well, hey there, my culinary swashbucklers! Welcome to the kitchen at Chez Ali and Ken. Let's start out with the number one thing to know about our little restaurant. The Executive Chef (me) loves herbs and spices. See?

So much so, in fact, that tonight we're using: Freshly ground black pepper, sea salt, freshly ground porcini mushroom powder, ground coriander, sea salt, and fresh dill, tarragon and chervil.

The main course this evening: Broiled lamp chops! Accompanied by Epicurious.com's Basmati Rice With Sweet Onions and Summer Herbs. Lastly, we'll be having microwave-steamed asparagus (steamed in a big Gladware container, at that, because I don't care if the leaching plastic might give me cancer when I'm 85; it's just easier than pot steaming).


First, let's talk about the Basmati rice. If you're like me, you don't like rice. I KNOW. Weird. Whatever. I'm not a huge rice fan, but this particular recipe sounded interesting enough (I love Vidalias, and dill? With rice? Enough to reel me in...) that I wanted to see if it could make me actively want to eat rice. Since I don't love rice, it's of course in the back corner on the highest shelf of our tiny pantry/cabinet. While searching for the brown Basmati, I discovered the following:

1) More Bacos than I thought existed on the entire planet. Really.
2) Flower food, which I'm pretty sure is toxic to people... so... maybe don't keep it around food? Maybe?
3) Mint julep cups. Um... what? Ooooh, don't mint juleps go with lamb? Because mint and lamb??? Damn it, no brandy. Or mint. Next time, my pretty....

So, that's what we discovered setting up the kitchen for the lamb and rice dinner. Moving on. A very important thing to keep in mind: Karma is a bitch. What does this have to do with cooking lamb, you ask? Well, my friends, lamb is a Cute Cuddly Animal (CCA). If you're like me, not only are you not crazy about rice, but you also have issues with eating CCA's because you're sure it's somehow Just Wrong. To balance out this karmic risk, it's a good idea to pay homage to another, different species of CCA while you're cooking. To wit:


Otters definitely count as CCA's of the highest caliber.

Now that you've hopefully got a CCA image somewhere on your person, let's make with the cooking. First of all, you've got to consult with your sous-chef and make sure that he or she understands his/her responsibilities. Here I am explaining to my sous-chef that his responsibilities include not reaching up for a pat so that my pants are clawed down while I have raw lamb juice on my hands.

I don't know if he fully grasped the concept, but fortunately, I was wearing jeans.

Now that your sous-chef is fully informed, let's get to work. Tackle the rice dish first, since the lamb needed to come to room temperature anyway. It's a small piece of meat, so it achieves lukewarmness very quickly, but I must insist that you do this with red meat! Other things, you can get away with throwing it on the heat while still chilled. NOT RED MEAT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET YOUR RED MEAT TO ROOM TEMP! Anyway. Right. The rice.

I halved the recipe so that instead of 2 cups of sweet onion I needed less than 1. This works out nicely to half a large Vidalia. The other half of the onion is currently in the deli drawer, either destined for a salad later this week, or to grow the next great mold-based antibiotic. I'll let you know. You're meant to chop the onion, not dice, which may look a bit large, but the flavor still releases with a nice, coarse chop. This is my definition of what that looks like:


Note that I was chopping with my Little Knife, because the onion was a little spongy, and I didn't want to Decapitate My Fingers. Whatever. If it gets the job done...

Once the onion's chopped, go ahead and heat the saucepan. The recipe calls for "large," but I'm using a 2-quart, because that's all I have! It works fine. I also use "fake" butter (Smart Balance, which is better for cooking than most other non-margarine butter substitutes). Saute the onion over medium-high heat, or if your stove's like mine, medium, until it's translucent. (The onion. Not the stove.) At that point, add the rice, water and salt, in that order. I'm using less than half the salt called for (even factoring in my smaller-than-half of the recipe) and it will be more than enough. Bring the rice mixture to a boil, then cover and reduce the heat to low. If you're using white rice, cooking supposedly takes 15 more minutes. Using brown (which we are here) adds another 1/4 cup of water, and another 10 minutes (for 30 or so total from the onion).

During this time you can: Set the table; check on your husband who is sleeping and will not be eating with you because he caught your Super Cold in the middle of May; and bring the lamb to room temperature if you haven't already taken it out of the fridge. Don't worry; the rice isn't going anywhere if it finishes before the lamb is de-chilled. Honestly, I never heard of rice that can't sit on a warm stove for 20 or so minutes and not taste just the same. Especially brown rice.

This is also a fun time for a Pop Quiz. Based on Ali's Anecdotal Evidence from working in three total restaurants in her entire life, what percentage of restaurant cooks and chefs would you assume washes their hands after using the bathroom (number 1)? (And, yes, it's "washes," not "wash," because the verb is corresponding with "percentage," not "cooks and chefs," and "percentage," like "family," or any other compound noun, is still, technically singular, so bugger off.) The answer is...

About 25. Yep. About 25%. That percentage is markedly higher for servers, bussers, bartenders, managers and hostesses. The percentage is generally better for line cooks than for sous-chefs, chefs de cuisine and executive chefs. My best guess is that the non-hand-washers just think they're too important to waste the time with soap and water if they've only... you know... gone number 1. Just thought you should know. According to Ali's Anecdotal Evidence, it's true.

All right. Now that we've all passed the Pop Quiz, let's go back to the rice. Now, with rice, there are two major schools of thought: To Stir or Not To Stir. My mother always told me, "DON'T STIR IT! YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP THE LID ON! IT'S COOKING IN ITS STEAM!" The first time I cooked rice in front of K, he wanted to know, "WHY AREN'T YOU STIRRING IT? YOU'VE GOT TO STIR IT!" Now, given the fact that I've burned about 75% of the rice I've ever cooked, this time, let's go with K's mom's (because it certainly wasn't his) idea. Upon adding the previously mentioned 1/4 cup of water, stir it around to lift it off the bottom of the pan. When THAT water is gone, we stir in the fresh herbs:


The smell should be positively nutty - thank you, tarragon and dill! Chervil, you aren't really doing your part; I don't even know why you're here. You're like contestant number 5 on American Idol, and should just give up. At this point, take the rice off the heat source and keep it covered; it will be fine.

By now, the broiler should be heated (you should have lit it when the rice began to boil) and you can pop the lamb in. Keep in mind, with lamb chops, that the actual portion of meat is only as big as the red part in the middle here, under the "butter" pat:


That's about the width of... let's see... a pansy blossom. Yeah. So, bear that in mind when buying. It's not the most cost-effective meat, or even cut of lamb, and I bet this recipe would work equally well with a pork chop or veal chop. Anyway, on the lamb chop above, sprinkle sea salt (ideal for those of us who are sensitive to salt, but still want that salty kick), freshly ground black pepper, porcini powder (dried porcini from a grinder, that is) and ground coriander. Eschew the apparently canonical advice of broiling 4 1/2 to 5 minutes a side, because I like my meat not quite mooing or bleating, but at least still bleeding, and I just. don't. buy. that lamb chops need that long.

Upon popping the lamb in the broiler, zap the asparagus in the microwave for 4 minutes, which also works as a great timer. Remember to check on your sous-chef. Just as I suspected, mine's asleep:

When the asparagus dings, go flip the lamb over. Cook the asparagus for another 4 minutes, and your lamb chops will be done! (I put mine in for an extra tragic minute, and they were just a bit too done; don't go over 4 per side... maybe even 3 and 3.) Now, for Heaven's sake, let the meat sit when you take it out. Do NOT, like Kenny those who shall remain nameless, dive at the meat the second it's out of the oven or broiler, EVER. It has to set. Or something... Anyway, LEAVE IT ALONE!

Now, if you've followed these instructions, your finished product looks something like this:


Mmmmm, lamb chops. I wasn't sure about the mushroom powder on lamb when we started, but it adds a great gaminess to this very mild red meat. Likewise, I'm happy to report that the rice tastes wonderful! I may just add dill and tarragon to 85% of all the rice I cook from here on out. And with the rich, involved flavors of the main dish and the rice, the simple, steamed asparagus (fresh in Spring) is a good balance. I actually had this with white wine, instead of red, which I also enjoyed.

Wait a second... I think I hear...

Ah, yes. There's my sous-chef:


Someone seems to their eyes on the prize...