The problem: You went on vacation and threw out most of the contents of your fridge beforehand. You are left with: Some frozen pork chops; a few lemons; huge bunches of rosemary and thyme (from the Cornish hen) (now essentially dried); and some fingerling potatoes that are going to sprout soon. And garlic and olive oil. There's always garlic and olive oil around these here parts.
The solution: A quick search on Epicurious! This particular search should yield something along the lines of:
Rosemary Pork Chops
(Which is entirely comprised of the following:)
3 garlic cloves
2 teaspoons coarsely chopped rosemary*
3 tablespoons olive oil**
4 (1/2-inch-thick) bone-in rib pork chops (1 1/2 pounds)
Accompaniment: lemon wedges
* I didn't keep track of how much rosemary I used. I have a little set of glass mixing bowls and filled the one that looks like... oh... about an eighth of a cup? More? I don't know. Go wild! Also, we're adding some thyme, simply because we have so damn much.
** I used about 2 Tbsp, max. It was more than enough, as usual.
This recipe also includes the helpful hint: "Rosemary and garlic give these succulent pork chops Mediterranean flair." As far as a side dish, what's more Mediterranean (a.k.a. Greek) than cucumbers? Except cucumbers suck, as far as I'm concerned, so we're going with some simple zucchini (sort of like a cucumber) sauteed with pignoles. Hey, Italy's on the Mediterranean. So go buy some zucchini and pine nuts! Here we go:
Crank that broiler up, and don't forget to pre-heat the broiler PAN as well. If you're like me and have been banned from using a grill by persons who shall remain nameless, then you're looking at a lot of broiling this summer. Awesome. Nothing says summer like a 500+ degree kitchen.
While the broiler's heating, remember to thaw your pork and get it to approximately room temperature so it cooks evenly. We're using boneless pork chops here, so I'm guessing the cook time will be shorter than that stated in the recipe. THAT time is 4 minutes per side, plus 8 minutes' worth "sitting time," so we'll eyeball it. The last thing we want, after all, is trichina worms.
During this time you can:
* "Mince and mash the garlic to a paste with a pinch of salt, then stir together with rosemary, oil, 3/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper. Rub mixture all over chops," as the Epicures have it. Deal with it, Ali: You're going to have stinky fingers after this one. Anyway, it'll be worth it. Look at 'em:
The mixture isn't so much "paste-" like, but sue me, because I don't have a mortar. Anyway, there's no pleasing everyone here. Look at all that garlic: I know a certain sous chef who's NOT going to be happy about this...
* Chop up your zucchini. Start by slicing lengthwise, then choppy chop chop all the way down the stalk.
Watch your little fingers!* Gaze at the heirloom tomatoes in your fridge and wonder: a) if they're coated with salmonella, and b) if they'd taste good as a sort-of-ratatouille with the zucchini. Decide: Probably Not, and Probably, respectively. OMG! You are suddenly making a sort-of-ratatouille thing!
Even though they're a little mealy from being in the fridge for almost a week (mealy is better than fruit flies welcoming us home from Vegas), the tomatoes smell flavorful and look preeetty. See?
* Get EXTRA lazy and steam your potatoes so you don't have to Google how long to roast fingerling potatoes at broiler heat. Start boiling the water now, and remember to scrub off the potatoes because they grow in the GROUND, PEOPLE. And while there may be lots of minerals in soil, it feels... icky between one's teeth, non?
* Measure out some pignoles. Don't go overboard - you just want enough to add some rich flavor to the otherwise plain sauteed zucchini and tomatoes. If you're like me, sautee the pignoles a little before you toss the zucchini (at M-H heat), then tomatoes, into the pan. Because, if you're like me, you don't understand the laws of physics, and are oblivious of the fact that the pine nuts are small enough to fall through and beneath the veggies, and therefore still get nice and toasted. Therefore, if you're like me, you'll end up with some overcooked pine nuts. Occasionally stir your zucchini, then when it's about halfway done, add the tomatoes. Don't cover, or it will get soggy!
* Ponder the irony of e. coli and salmonella being found overwhelmingly in "healthy" foods like spinach and tomatoes, while the beef industry has somehow managed not to kill anyone with those particular pathogens in the recent past. Also ponder the law of averages and likelihoods, and wonder if you should cook the pork extra hot, because, doesn't it just seem like time for meat to get on the bandwagon?
* Quick interlude: You know that car commercial that uses the St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V? ("We few, we happy few, we band of brothers," etc.) My husband just correctly identified it as the St. Crispin's Day speech. My husband. Wut??? (Hot.) (Not hot: When my husband leaves his plate on the table later and jumps on the phone with his father when I'm cleaning up. Then, when I ask him to bring his plate to the dishwasher, leaves it on the counter without even rinsing it. Bad boy.)
Time for the Main Event.
Pop those four succulent pork chops in the broiler. Let's try four minutes on each side... Okay, not quite enough. Let's try two more minutes on the first side...
Oh, and don't do what I did: Almost burn yourself to death while flipping the chops over a second time (weren't done enough to bring out and cool), then putting the grill pan in semi-sideways, at which point it slipped to the bottom of the broiler. Then I very intelligently plopped my oven mitt-clad hand in to grab it, realizing that the thumb side VERY NEARLY made contact with the blue-hot flames. Whoever thinks a TINY GRILL is more dangerous than a RAGING HOT BROILER is absolutely deluding themselves. But don't even get me started on that...
Here we are, the final result:
(Keep in mind the meat portion won't be as large as it looks here - pork chops are surrounded by a thin ring of fat, and usually one fatty end. Depending on your tastes, may not end up in your belly. Between me, Tarot and K, we didn't manage to finish both of mine here. It's tough cooking for two when you're really honest about whether or not you'll actually end up eating it for leftovers.)
The Result, and some Final Notes.
* Rosemary (and Thyme) Pork Chops: Oops. I overcooked it. As usual. I was deceived by the "pink" left in it when I was SUPPOSED to take it out. Otherwise, YUM! Tastes almost lemony, which I guess must be the rosemary, as I'm not using my decorative lemon slices.
* "Ratatouille" Thing: Pretty good. Should have started it a little later (started it a few minutes before putting the pork in the broiler). Next time I make this I will: a) Use Feta or Parmesan instead of pignoles - should sauce it up a little! b) Not use so many tomatoes - they masked the flavor of the zucchini. c) Make this dish when I have some onions lying around. THAT would be yummy!
* Potatoes: What's not to like about potatoes? I didn't even pay attention to how long they steamed. I don't think you can really over-steam potatoes. At least, not in MY kitchen you can't!
Thus ends another mostly successful foray into the culinary arts. Next time... well, who knows? Possibly Turkish lamb kabobs! Mmm!
Post-Evening-Snack Note: Sprinkling some Parmesan on the "ratatouille" really helped. Zing!
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